Being trapped.

In December 1994, I was put to jail because of murder. At that time, I had just touched my 15. As I thought I had not committed any murder and therefore should not have been sentenced to life imprisonment, I was full of anger. I considered that I had been unfairly treated. I had no hope in the world. I rejected everything in the world, including meeting my parents, not to mention the group living in prison.

Paving the way.

At the end of 1995 when I was disinterested in everything, Mom suddenly brought my secondary school class teacher and a social worker to visit me. At that point in time, I was very sorry as I made fun of them and enraged them in the past and yet they traveled all the way to Pik Uk to see me. My class teacher gave me two books, an English one and the other a Bible. She told me to read them in my spare time and I promised to do so. Upon return to the cell, I put the Bible under my bed. Though I knew that I would not read the Bible, I considered it not right to tear it because after all it stood for the good intention of my teacher. In this way the Bible was put away for 3 years.

Binding up with love.

On a day in 1998, a group of Christian volunteers held an evangelistic meeting in prison and this was the first time I heard about Jesus. I was compelled to attend. Before this, I had no idea about Christianity, except perhaps the mere existence of Jesus. So when they came to preach the gospel in prison, I was very perplexed. As they did not receive any pay for this, what ulterior motive could they have? At that time I paid special attention to what they said. What impressed me most was this: “God so loved the world that He gave us his son Jesus who died on the cross for us in order to save us and redeem our sins.” Probably no one could understand how I felt at that moment. I felt really sorry. I was a sinner and I did something which even I myself could not accept. Yet Jesus died on the cross for me. How great were the Father and Son! In contrast, I did not only lack the intention to save anyone, but I also killed someone because of money – something I can never forget. I remembered the following lyrics of the song they sang: “It's your love which empowers me to go through tough circumstances and you share my hardships and worries. Your love is like a torch in darkness which lights up my way towards the goal.” I bore these lyrics in my mind, because life in prison was very lonely. I needed love in my life so that I could proceed with the path ahead. Approaching the end of the evangelistic meeting, I didn't know where I got the courage to put up my hands in front of one hundred odd people to signify my acceptance of Jesus. I was very touched at that moment and I felt differently with peace and hope on my mind.

Never forsake me.

However, I felt upset after the evangelistic meeting. As usual, I lived in my own world as if I were alone, not caring for anyone. I cared for my family only as I was deeply moved by the love and concern they showed in the past three years. They incessantly encouraged me to live courageously. They hired a lawyer for me. But I hurt them and committed offences in prison time and again. I was aware that I lacked self-control. I regretted every time I committed an offence. My family did not blame me and instead, they showed understanding. Though I had become a Christian at that time, I didn't read the Bible. Neither did I know how to read it. In fact, I didn't know how a Christian should be.

To my surprise, there was a religious class in prison several months later. It's a monthly gathering. I wished to take this opportunity to see how a Christian should be. So I signed up. After the gathering I started to learn to be a Christian though I was not fervent. I read the Bible during gatherings only and on other days not even a page. Sometimes, I didn't attend the gatherings at all. However, I realized that the Lord was in me because when I sought Him in difficult times, sort of making use of Him, He helped me and granted me many promises.

Deeper experience

Let me tell you an unforgettable testimony. Since I was a small kid, I knew that my parents were gamblers. During one visit, my elder brother told me that my parents ran into debts because of gambling, that they remain unchanged though relatives and friends helped them repay the debts and that this caused our family great concern. Knowing that I could not offer any assistance, I had no alternative, but to pray to God for helping my parents break the bondage of gambling. I thought, “So what? They've been gambling for so many years. How can they quit gambling?” How amazing! Shortly afterwards, our family had a small new member, the daughter of my second elder brother and since then my parents quitted gambling as they were busy looking after their grandchild which they enjoyed very much. This is the first time I experienced the great power of God. His work is unexpectedly good. Since then I deeply believed that He was a kind and gracious God. He had not only helped my parents, He had also let me witness His grace which I didn't deserve.