Author of own misfortune.

I'm 35 years old, having been in jail for 15 years. I was born in a small, happy, ordinary family. My parents began to break up when I was studying Primary 5. The lack of peace in my family caused me to develop a strong resistance against my family. When I grew up, I often hanged around in streets all night under all sorts of excuses, with no meaning and purpose in life. When I began to work after Form 5 graduation, I became the head of a bogus company which took advantage of loopholes in the law and made its bucks by deception under the camouflage of non profit-making organization. At first, I had little understanding of the job nature. However, when my understanding of the company's operation gradually increased, I persuaded myself to stay, instead of leaving. This was because at that time I thought that in this society, anyone who could make money was smart and anyone who used his brains would be given recognition. I was not aware that I was going astray and becoming avid of money. I even made alterations to many documents of my boss so that his share of profits went into my pocket. Since then, my own income increased two or three-fold in addition to the commission from mentoring newcomers and the huge secret profits whilst the efforts I put in were halved. The fact that these things went smoothly made me arrogant and selfish. Later, I left the company with my values and attitude unchanged. As a result, the seeds of these values and attitude soon germinated when I encountered difficulties again. It was my wishful thinking that I could obtain others' property by the same old method and got away with it. Eventually, the matter was discovered by the other party and ended up in a murder. I was more and more involved in crimes with no turning back. I was then 19 years old and thereafter I had to spend the rest of my life behind the bars.

I was confused at the time.

My life was most miserable after I went to jail. A friend in need is a friend indeed. My parents whom I despised and looked down upon in the past gave me constant support and care and this made me very shocked and perplexed. Upon reflection, I realized that I was pig-headed and I wondered whether I had misunderstandings in the past. Thereafter, I started to review my life. I asked myself many questions, considered many matters and made many contrasts in order to acquire self-understanding. What was the purpose of my life? What sort of world was this? What was right and what was wrong? What yardstick should be used? Looking back at my stubbornness, selfishness, follies and the pain I caused to others, including those who loved me, made me feel guilty and remorseful. I often asked myself whether I could be confident that I could stand firm without hurting myself and those around me if the sins I committed and the temptations I came across in the past returned in a different form in future? At that time, I got to know the Lord Jesus and found that what was stated in the bible was true. I thought I could not go wrong if I followed and applied the Scriptures to my life.

Locking myself in a lonely world of sadness and pride

However, growth did not take place over night. Though I was luck enough to have a re-trial, I again suffered a setback in the court case. I felt like God taking away the high hopes He gave me and so I harbored resentment against God. I began to challenge God. I told Him that I could walk my own way and return to a normal life without following Him. Therefore, I studied very hard and reviewed my personality and values carefully in order to find out what had gone wrong. I had higher expectations of my own growth and qualities. At the same time, I questioned God and spitted feathers on matters such as wars, misfortunes and natural disasters. Life went on like this for another 5 or 6 years. Though I tried hard in starting afresh, I didn't experience any joy or peace. With a sinful nature, I could never be perfect or live a new life of righteousness through my efforts alone. Setting my sights on the uncertainties ahead and the family discord, I realized that my abilities were very limited.

Walking with me.

At that time, God stretched out His Hands to me again. Through various organizations and the brothers and sisters of the church, God showed me His goodness, kindness and faithfulness. During the Easter of 2002, I was baptized. Stretching my memories back to the struggles I had during this 10-year spiritual journey, I realized that God had never deserted me during the times when I was most angry, upset, painful and lost. He also sent many brothers who were behind the bars as well as preachers from outside to keep me company so that I would not walk further and further away from Him.

An open and cheerful heart with dreams coming true.

Four years have elapsed since I was baptized. I find that the greatest change in me is that I have become more joyful and grateful. I have also formed my own view on matters disregarding the opinions of others and the trends of the world. Furthermore, I now have the answers to the many questions I raised during the initial period of my imprisonment. I like my new life with the Lord's presence.

Serving the Lord with my life.

With the Lord's presence in the past few years, I completed the final stage of my degree course smoothly. In addition, the Lord used me in prison ministry and He gave me the gifts of composing and writing lyrics. The Lord has used and molded me who was a criminal and a complete failure. I believe that He is also gracious to everyone.